The Whimsy Witch Who Wasn't (Tales of Xest Book 1) Read online

  “You don’t know what you’re practicing for?” she asked, finally done with her tour.

  “He hasn’t laid out all the details yet.” I didn’t even know the details and I’d committed. Before, I’d felt more tricked. Now I was in this, and I wasn’t even sure what this truly was. I should’ve asked some more questions, but with Rabbit right beside me, smiling away…

  Yeah, it was done now.

  “So then…you’re not really a Whimsy witch?” she asked.

  “Turns out I’m not.” Most witches would’ve been thrilled to say they weren’t a Whimsy, and yet I was finding it hard to get the words out.

  She sat on the bed staring at me. “What are you?”

  “I don’t know.” Boy, was that the truth. I had no idea. I had magic, but it never worked right. Jasper called me evil. Nothing seemed to be going according to anyone’s plan, least of all mine. Yeah, I was a big question mark at this point.

  “But you really sent that newsflash?” She was staring at me like she was seeing me for the first time.

  “I did.” The way she said “that newsflash” made me wonder what had gone off. I might’ve asked if she wasn’t staring at me like one of the witches at the factory who were cruel to her. “But it doesn’t mean anything. We’re still friends.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I don’t care how much magic you have. You’re my friend.”

  She nodded but still appeared to fear I’d wake up tomorrow and tell her all bets were off.

  I glanced at the clock, also identical to mine, beside her bed. “I’ve got to get downstairs, but I’ll come hang out as soon as I’m done, okay?”

  At that point, I’d reassure her another ten times if needed. Right now, I had to go keep Hawk from kicking us both out.

  I walked into the back room and something flew at me. I caught it, and the gem blazed in my hand. I’d begun leaving my necklace upstairs before practice after the last time I’d had to dig around in chipped porcelain to find it.

  The same fiery rainbow of light shot out of it, like my fingertips were an electrical outlet.

  “You’re going to get calls soon,” Hawk said, sitting on the couch and looking over at me. “When they do, I want you to go. But it’s best if you can smother some of your magic. You need to learn to hold it in for at least a minute or so, at the bare minimum, so when they touch you, you don’t broadcast how strong you are.”

  “Why can’t I wear my necklace?” I asked, tossing the gem back to him. He didn’t catch it, letting it drop to the couch beside him, robbing me of an opportunity to see what his magic did to it, which was surely not accidental.

  “The person you’re most likely to hear from is Raydam. If you were to say I had any opposition in Xest, he would be the ringleader of them. If you wear the necklace, he’ll sense something off the moment he touches you, as I did. Considering the talk, he’ll know there’s something more.”

  I thought back to the first time I’d had skin-to-skin contact with Hawk, the day outside the factory.

  “How did you sense it?” I asked, wondering if I’d get an honest answer out of him, or any answer at all.

  He waved his hand to the other couch. I took the opportunity, hoping he was going to share, because as I remembered again, I was in this. It would be good to know as much as I could.

  “The stronger the magic in a person, the more they can sense it in others. Raydam is one of the strongest warlocks in Xest.”

  Why was it that everything I found out ended up being bad? Couldn’t I stumble upon good information every now and then? “Is he stronger than you?”

  He smiled. “Not important at the moment.”

  The one thing I did know? The man before me might’ve had more secrets than all of Xest, and he guarded them fiercely. In a world of magic and oddities, most worn like badges, what was he keeping so undercover? Asking him was a waste of time, and maybe it wasn’t any of my business. But some things definitely were.

  I crossed my legs and rested my arm on the back of the couch, trying my best to look nonchalant. “What exactly is it that you think I can do for you?” I grinned in a warm and friendly way.

  He grinned back. “I told you. I don’t know yet. When I figure it out, you’ll be the first to know.”

  Neither of us said anything else for a moment as we measured each other up from our separate couches.

  Fine. Maybe he really didn’t know what he needed, but there were other details he could be sharing. “Why is Raydam your opposition? How worried should I be?”

  “We don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. He likes to bring powerful witches and warlocks into his fold. If you want to be in the fold, then there would be nothing to be worried about.”

  Into the fold. I’d never liked that expression, because I had no desire to be folded by anyone. I was either going to lie flat or be crumpled in the corner, but it would be of my choosing.

  Hawk never tried to bring me into the fold. As much as Hawk kept his secrets and his distance, it was better. Yes, definitely better. A clean break was all I wanted from this situation, and that was tough when you were busy trying to iron out creases. I was going to be out of here the second I could be without any creases to remind me, or as few as possible.

  “What if I don’t let him touch me?”

  “He’ll find a way to make skin-to-skin contact. If you snub all his attempts, it will be the same as telling him how much magic you have. He’ll know.”

  “How much do I have to manage to hold back?”

  “A lot.”

  I remembered the categories Rabbit had explained to me, waited to see if he’d label me. When he didn’t, I didn’t ask, because it wouldn’t matter once I was out of here. It didn’t matter now, either. The only thing I would use my magic for was to get home, and I couldn’t do that.

  I toyed with the seam on the back of the couch as a soft thud sounded beside me.

  “Well? Are you going to try?” he said. “Unless you’re looking to keep your options open.”

  I looked down at the gem lying beside me. Once again, he’d managed to avoid touching it while I could see him. I hadn’t seen a flare of light, either. Did he use something to throw it, or did he turn the gem black like his heart?

  “What do I do?” I asked, looking at it, knowing there were only two choices: blunt my magic or deal with even more people who wanted things from me.

  Hawk leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees. “Before you touch it, imagine all the energy in your hand is gone, numb. The further you can shift it away from your hand, your wrist, even your lower arm, and hold it close to your core, the better.”

  I held the gem, focusing on pulling my magic back. The thing barely dulled. I dropped it back onto the couch. It was clear how tonight was going to go. Nothing I did magically went according to plan, ever. Maybe it was because I’d lived in Rest, or maybe I was too stupid. I didn’t know, but it made me sure that I needed to get out of here. Nobody this bad at magic should be living in Xest.

  “Try again,” he said, not sounding any more optimistic than I felt.

  I picked it up, knowing exactly what was going to happen. The thing might’ve been brighter. I dropped it onto the couch again and then stood, wanting to put some space in between me and my latest failure.

  “We’ve barely started and you’re taking a break?”

  “I. Am.” I moved to the window, crossed my arms, and stared out at the alley instead of facing him. “We both know how this is going to go.”

  I expected him to rage and yell, tell me to sit back down and pick up the gem. That I was going to try all night until we both gave up.

  Instead, he stood. “We’ll try first thing tomorrow. Maybe you’re tired.”

  Huh? I wasn’t tired at all. In fact, I was as well rested as I’d been since I’d gotten here. The only fatigue I had was from failure.

  Part of me wanted to call him out. Someone had plans and didn’t want to share. The idea of fi
ve hours of being a loser changed my words to “Yeah, maybe after a good sleep.”

  A few minutes after Hawk walked out, I made my way upstairs. At least Rabbit was here. It was nice having another body in the building at night, someone I could go hang out with, talk to about my massive failures of the day.

  It was still fairly early, but there weren’t any lights shining underneath her door. I rapped softly, not wanting to wake her if she’d gone to sleep. No one answered. It was probably to be expected after what she’d been through. Might take her a few days to bounce back after the factory.

  22

  Rabbit was sipping the hot chocolate Zab had brought back from the Sweet Shop. She was wearing some of my hand-me-down clothes, since the only other things she had were factory uniforms. I’d given her the pick of my wardrobe, and she’d gone straight for the neon-green pants like it was her lucky day.

  Belinda was even busier than normal today, having to split her glare between the two of us now, as if I’d multiplied in the middle of the night like a cockroach. Musso was his gruff self, with his lukewarm welcoming. All in all, it wasn’t a bad introduction.

  “What should I do?” Rabbit asked. “I want to earn my keep.”

  I grabbed her arm, pulling her into the back room as Belinda’s eyes narrowed.

  Rabbit’s mouth dropped open and her eyes looked about to water. “Did I do something wrong?”

  “No, not at all. I pulled you aside because you don’t have to do anything. If you want to do something, that’s different. But even then, don’t ask in front of Belinda. I told you about her.” I’d spent a good chunk of the morning filling Rabbit in the best I could, the way I’d have wanted to be prepared for—well, mostly just for Belinda.

  “But can I help if I want to?” Rabbit was studying my responses like her life depended on it.

  “You can do whatever you want. But if you do help, ask Zab or Musso for stuff. Whatever you do, don’t. Ask. Belinda. I think you’ve already been painted with the same brush because we’re friends. She won’t be nice.”

  Rabbit waved a hand, finally looking a little more relaxed. “I can handle hate. That I’m good at.”

  I walked back into the office and over to Zab. “Rabbit wants something to do. She should ask you, right?” I rubbed my neck as an excuse to point in Belinda’s direction.

  “Yes! Definitely ask me. I’m pretty sure Hawk told me I was in charge,” Zab said, so loudly it was laughable. He turned to Rabbit. “Do you like to organize things? Or…” Zab’s eyes went skyward as he tried to come up with something else.

  “I can organize,” Rabbit said. She waved toward the shelves. “Actually, I did happen to notice your books aren’t in any order at all.”

  Huh? I’d organized them. What the hell was she talking about?

  “Brilliant,” Zab said. “I hadn’t been able to figure out what Tippi did.”

  What the hell? Had no one heard of alphabetical order here? I didn’t care enough to argue. I made my way to my table, knowing Rabbit had been spared Belinda.

  Hawk walked into the office fifteen minutes later, barely glancing at Rabbit, who was waving at him in the midst of a pile of books she’d already pulled off the shelves. He stopped in front of the table I’d claimed as my own, evidenced by the little black cactus with a purple flower I’d found and the baskets I’d scavenged from other areas for my pass or shred piles.

  “Back room,” he said before walking away, completely ignoring my little setup.

  That was it, and that was all I needed. I’d been dreading this moment since we’d quit last night. The normal Hawk had returned, the one who would want me to fail for hours on end and then ask me what I was doing, as if I knew. Guess what, Hawk? I didn’t know! What came next was going to be a blaze of failure that would take up most of the day if I were lucky. Normally I wasn’t tortured with my own inadequacies until after the office closed.

  If I wasn’t lucky, I’d be at it until late tonight, until the point that I could barely make it up the stairs from exhaustion. Failure had become such a foregone conclusion. My half-full glass had spilled all over the floor a week ago.

  I walked past Belinda, who hated me even as I was being tortured, because I’d be spending time with Hawk. Yes, I’d be with Hawk, as he watched me in all my ineptness, failing, and failing again. Only a real psycho would be envious of me. Did she think this was enjoyable? Did she not understand I’d trade spots with her in a second?

  Rabbit smiled and said, “Good luck,” like she thought there was a chance in hell this would go well. I hadn’t given her as many details on my magical failures as I had with the Belinda situation, but I’d told her enough that any optimism was wasted.

  I stepped into the back room and saw the gem waiting on the table for me. Hawk stood, arms crossed, making it as clear as the finest crystal that the easygoing attitude of last night was over, a blip. Hawk the drill sergeant was back with gusto.

  He gave me a look that didn’t need any words. I took off my necklace and put it on the side table before picking up the gem. The thing lit up like I’d nuked it.

  “Are you trying? We’re running out of time. This should be simple. I’d thought we’d come to an arrangement,” he said, looking to the door, reminding me of Rabbit’s presence here and what he surely considered overpayment.

  “Do you think I want to fail this much? Would anyone possibly want to fail this much? I’m trying.” I didn’t dare tell him that Zab was lighting the fire in my room every night. Or that he left a candle for me too.

  If I wasn’t so adept at destroying things unintentionally, I would’ve begun to think I was incapable of anything magical.

  The more time that went by, the more I tried, the more I wondered if Jasper was right. Maybe my magic—or I—was evil. I shouldn’t be doing anything with it. Maybe my mother had known too. It was clear she must’ve known about this place, at the very least. Maybe she’d lived here once and that was why she’d left and didn’t want me to ever come? That was why I’d had to be hidden, had to live a life of lies. I might’ve appeared normal on the outside, but deep down, there was something wrong with me.

  Hawk walked over and pointed at the gem. “If you were trying, it wouldn’t be glowing.”

  My life had become a bad rerun. Failure was the only channel available, and I was the actor hired for the role who had to keep replaying the part. Forget that I’d already been paid. We needed to be canceled.

  I put the stone down on the table. “You need to send me back.”

  There was a flicker in his eyes. I didn’t know if it was anger or what, but it didn’t matter. I was angry and past the point of worrying how he felt or what he’d do. I didn’t care if he was going to kick me out into the cold. There had to be something better than this.

  Instead of raging or getting mad, he walked closer. “You can do this.”

  His belief in my abilities in the face of repeated failures was bordering on lunacy.

  “Maybe my magic is…” My words trailed off as Belinda walked in, making her way to the tea table.

  “How’s everything going?” She was all smiles and cheer, as if she didn’t want to gut me and then salt my organ meat and store it in a dank basement for later feasting.

  “It’s fine,” Hawk said.

  She took her teacup and sipped daintily before asking, “Do you need any help? Is there anything I can do?”

  “Actually, yes,” Hawk said.

  I looked at the floor, his shoes, my shoes, the wall, anywhere but at the two people talking. Was he really going to invite her in to witness my continual failure? Her? Of all people? That would be it. I’d walk out of here and be done. He’d have to drag me back in if he wanted me.

  “Of course. What can I do?” she asked, so sickly sweet my stomach ached.

  “Close the shop up early and send everyone home.”

  Don’t smile. No one liked a gloater. I’d have to be secretly happy. Although I couldn’t stop myself from glancing u
p to see the reaction.

  She nodded, as if she weren’t seething inside, and then took her tea and left.

  The happiness and relief from that lasted a few seconds before it was time to deal with the truth again. I took another few steps closer to Hawk so that we were only a foot or so apart, in case Belinda was waiting outside listening. I was going to have to own it. I couldn’t do what he wanted, and for a possibly bad reason. If he hadn’t killed me when I called for Rabbit, he’d get over this too, hopefully.

  “The thing is, maybe my magic is bad, like Jasper said. It’s an evil thing that we shouldn’t try to use. That might be the problem.”

  “I don’t care what Jasper said.” He nailed his stare to me. “It’s not. You’re not.”

  “You don’t know.” How could he be so sure? I wasn’t. If I had to bet, I would’ve taken the other side of this one.

  “I do.”

  There was a rap on the wall. Zab stood in the doorway, an awkward smile on his face, as if he didn’t really want to interrupt.

  “Hey, Belinda said we were closing, so why don’t you take a break and let me give it a go? I might be able to work with her or explain things in a different way.” Zab tucked his hands in his pockets.

  “I’m game,” I said, trying to encourage this. I doubted Zab was going to be able to do more than Hawk as far as making my magic work, but the bar was exceptionally low. And if I failed? He wouldn’t lose his mind and accuse me of slacking.

  “Fine. I’ll be back in a few,” Hawk said. He walked out, making me wonder if he was getting as exhausted as I was.

  “Is Rabbit still working on the books?” I asked as Zab took Hawk’s seat across from me.

  “Nah, Rabbit said she wanted to go catch a nap.”

  More sleep? She’d gone to bed early and now already needed a nap?

  “Did she seem okay?”

  “Yeah, you know. Okay…enough.” He was looking toward the door, and his foot was tapping a mile a minute. “We should get to work.” He pointed to the gem sitting on the table.

  If I asked anything else, I feared his foot might go through the floor.