The Whimsy Witch Who Wasn't (Tales of Xest Book 1) Page 15

  I glanced at the gem, knowing I was going to fail. “I’m not sure you’re going to be able to help me. I might be a lost cause.”

  His foot stopped tapping. At least he wasn’t stressed about being part of my failure. “Just humor me. Hold the gem, and while you’re doing it, focus on pulling everything inward.”

  There was no humor left in me. The constant failures had left me devoid of everything but wells of acid when I thought about failing again. Still, he was trying to help, so I picked up the gem. Every color of the rainbow shot out of the stone, and maybe a few I’d never seen before.

  “Whoa, you really light that thing up,” Zab said, leaning back and using his hand to shield his eyes. “Unusual pattern, too. I’ve never seen so many colors at once. I only shine blue.”

  “Is that why you dye your hair blue?”

  “I don’t dye it. Sometimes the color of your magic leaks out in hair follicles. It’s hereditary.”

  That was why so many people around here had weird hair colors.

  “Are you focusing?” he asked.

  “Sorry.” I turned my attention back to the gem.

  “Just focus. Imagine everything pulling back toward you. Like you’re a black hole, sucking up all the light.”

  I did as he asked, pulling everything I had inward, toward me, imagining that I was sucking up everything into a small rock into the center of my chest.

  The gem dimmed to about half lit.

  “Ahh! I’m doing it!” I got up, jumping up and down.

  “Yes, you are.” Zab let out a little laugh, getting up with me. “I knew you could.”

  I stopped jumping, but kept staring at the gem, seeing if I could dim it a little more. It didn’t seem to want to go lower, but that was okay. I officially hadn’t failed.

  Zab was still chuckling, and it wasn’t because of overwhelming joy over my success.

  “What’s so funny?” I put the gem down, my fingers aching from the strain.

  “You’re not going to be able to practice this with Hawk,” he said, laughter lingering in his voice.

  “Why? Is it his fault I can’t do it? It’s his magic messing me up?” What a relief that would be. It was tiring to always be the idiot. Hawk could take a turn. His arrogance was a little too deep. It didn’t help when people ran from him. Seriously? What did they think he was? Everyone here had magic. He wasn’t any different—mostly.

  Zab sat back down, still smiling, barely containing more laughter. “Not exactly his magic that’s messing you up. More like his fine physique bursting with testosterone. Or his handsome face that I’ve heard way more about than I care to from Belinda. Which is it? What’s making you crush enough that you can’t pull your magic back?” He crossed his arms behind his head as he smiled.

  “What are you talking about?” I glanced at the door, making sure we were still alone.

  “I discovered a little-known fact a while back. I’d borrowed the gem, trying to impress a girl I liked. Your magic surges a little stronger when you’re with someone you’re attracted to. You can’t pull back when he’s with you.”

  “Hawk’s attractive, but I don’t want to be with him.” I didn’t even want to be here, let alone anything more. It didn’t matter what that stupid gem did or what crazy theories Zab had. I didn’t.

  “I understand.” He said it in a way that sounded like he didn’t understand at all.

  I might’ve left it there if the corners of his mouth would stay flat. “I don’t. Your theory is wrong. Very wrong.”

  “And I believe you.”

  “I don’t think you do.”

  “For the record, the more you protest, the more I don’t believe you.” He was barely holding back the laughter again.

  “Then I won’t say another word on it because I don’t need to.” I narrowed my eyes at him, making sure he understood how serious I was.

  He smiled wider.

  “And don’t be sharing this crazy idea with anyone else,” I said, not that Zab tended toward gossip.

  “Oh, you don’t need to worry about that. Do you think I want to have to deal with the Belinda hysterics? She’s already bad enough. I won’t tell a soul. There’s nothing to tell.” He shook his head, pressing his lips together.

  “Right. There’s nothing.”

  We both heard the front door opening again, and I gave him a last warning glare. He made a locking motion in front of his lips and then tossed the invisible key right as Hawk stepped back inside.

  He walked over and held out a single folded card to me. “The invite is here.”

  The cardstock was incredibly thick, and I ran a finger over my name, neatly engraved on the outside. I broke the waxy seal holding it closed.

  I’d be pleased to have you join me at my home tomorrow evening for drinks.

  Raydam

  Suddenly, it felt like everyone in Xest knew me or wanted me for something. My entire life, I’d been average. Average height, average hair, average everything, as far as what people saw. The way some people constantly maneuvered to place themselves in the spotlight was the way I cultivated my way into the shade. My hair had always been kept just long enough to work in a bun. My eyes were never lined, lashes never had mascara. My nails were always unpolished and short. My shirts were baggy, and my jeans flattened my curves, rather than flattered.

  When you had a mother like mine, one who was a natural beacon for attention of the wrong sort, average was the greatest gift of survival. Average kept you alive while others burned in the harsh light.

  Unfortunately, my days of average looked to be over, at least here in Xest. It was as if the spotlight had finally found me and I couldn’t shake it loose, no matter how I cursed or screamed.

  “Any luck?” Hawk asked, pointing at the abandoned gem on the table.

  “She’s starting to pull it in. It’s not perfect, but it’ll do.” Zab shrugged and shook his head. “I mean…” He threw his hands up. “She’s just got too much to completely hide without a lot more time than she’s got.”

  I walked to the window. The snow was falling, but my attention was solely on the invite. Hawk’s attention was on me, as he watched with eagle eyes.

  “I’m going to come with you. You’re not ready to deal with him on your own,” Hawk said, as if that made it so.

  I waved the invite. “The invitation is for me alone. I don’t think you’re wanted.” I turned and met his gaze. “Coming along isn’t going to do anything but make it look like you need to guard me or I’ll jump ship. Maybe that’s what you believe or why you keep all your secrets so close to your vest, like there might be a traitor in your midst. Point is, you march in there with me, and they’ll know why you’re there. Then we’ll leave. If they have any kind of determination, they won’t stop until they get me alone anyway. All you’ll do is prolong this and drag it out. Bottom line is, they know. Everyone knows.” I was never going to be able to hide in the shadows again as long as I was here.

  Zab nodded. “She’s right. He’ll just keep coming for her.”

  Hawk still wasn’t talking. It was hard to tell if he was going to try to forbid me from doing it or accept it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t read him as well as he read me.

  “You’ll have to take your chances that I can handle things. Let the chips fall wherever they may.” I lifted the invite. “How does one go about replying to something like this?”

  Hawk’s eyes narrowed as I forced his hand. Then the tension seemed to ease.

  “Take your finger, write ‘yes’ on it, and then fling it out the window,” Hawk said.

  I flipped the card open as if I was fully committed and determined. I was anything but. Agreeing to meet Raydam felt like I was digging in even deeper into this place, this mess. The reality was that I was standing in a ditch with no other option of getting out but tunneling under.

  I scribbled my finger on the note, watching my name blaze to life in glowing blue. I cracked the window, tossed it into the air, and watched as it turne
d into a raven and flew off.

  23

  I sat cross-legged on Rabbit’s bed, watching as she tried to stay awake, cupping her chin and furrowing her brow. She’d been waiting for me with her door open when I’d come upstairs.

  She took another couple of breaths, letting out a little hum. She wasn’t the best sounding board I’d ever had, but being one of my only friends here, the bar would need to be lowered.

  “Just to clarify, as I want to make sure I’m not missing any details, we don’t know exactly what Hawk wants, just that he thinks he needs you to accomplish it. And now, we don’t really know why Raydam wants you either? Just that he wants to be good buddies and bring you ‘into the fold,’ as Hawk says?”

  Maybe I’d been too critical. How could anyone be a good sounding board with so few details?

  “That’s pretty much the size of things. Plus, Hawk seems to not like Raydam.”

  She let out a yawn that lasted five seconds before saying, “Well, everyone knows that.”

  “They do? Do you know why they don’t like each other?” They say you don’t know what you don’t know. Well, I was figuring out I knew what I didn’t know, and it was astounding the amount I didn’t know.

  “Nobody knows why, exactly. Or nobody I know. The hatred is common knowledge, though.”

  The amount Rabbit didn’t know sometimes seemed only slightly less, which was nearly as scary.

  “What do you think? Am I making a mistake going alone? I don’t know what I’m doing, Rabbit.” I leaned back and thumped my head on the wall. How was I supposed to make any informed decisions with so many unknown variables? The sum of what I knew wouldn’t fill half a shot glass.

  I’d said I was going alone to that dinner, and the reasons I’d stated were more than legitimate. They just weren’t the only ones.

  I’d grown up with a mother who’d contradicted what all logic said was true. Up until I was four or five, I’d believed her. Then I started to see how other people lived and my life had been turned on its ear. For the next decade, I’d doubted all I heard. I’d trusted no one, not completely, ever again. I’d always believed that childhood truly ended when you lost your blind faith in your parents—or parent, in my case.

  And now here was Hawk, with no answers at all and hardly an open book. Was there really any harm at this point in hearing this Raydam person out, considering what I was working with?

  “The way I see it, it’s the best way to figure out things,” Rabbit said, then broke for another long yawn. “Like you said, if Raydam wants to talk to you alone, he’s going to find a way. At least this is at your choosing. And if you disappear, I will find a way to get you, like you did for me.”

  “Thanks,” I said. She’d try. The fact that Zab was now lighting fires in two rooms before he left every night didn’t bode well, but she’d give me her dying breath. That counted for more than anything.

  “You get some sleep,” I said, knowing I was torturing her with sleep deprivation.

  Her head hit the pillow a second later. I paused at the door, listening to her soft breathing. Was she wheezing a bit? It was probably her head position or something. I paused for another second before I shut the door softly.

  The door to my room creaked open an hour later and Hawk filled the door. Wide awake, I shifted until I was partially sitting up.

  He didn’t come in but rested his shoulder against the frame of the door.

  “I haven’t been holding back as much as you seem to believe. Magic isn’t a precise art. I sent the finder out to locate a person who would be able to accomplish what I needed. I didn’t expect it to go to Rest, and when it found you, it didn’t tell me how you could help. I’m still trying to figure that out. The only thing I know is you’ve got the magical chops to do what I need.”

  “Then tell me what you need.” I moved to the edge of my bed.

  “Dress warm and meet me downstairs if you want to know more.” He straightened and left.

  All I’d wanted to do for the last hour was to fall asleep. Now you couldn’t keep me in bed if you planted an elephant on my chest. I was finally going to know what he wanted, get some answers, know why I was still here torturing myself.

  I layered two sweaters and pants. Xest was a cold place to begin with, and I’d never gotten a warning about warm clothing before. Wherever we were going, it was going to be bad.

  He was waiting on the bottom landing. Instead of walking out the door, and into the office, he began walking up the other set of stairs, the “die stairs,” as I’d begun to think of them. Seriously? Was he screwing with me? I could’ve been lying in bed instead of looking like a colorful marshmallow.

  “I had to dress warm to sit on a couch?” I was still following him because I was promised answers, and I was going to get them.

  “You’ll see.”

  We walked upstairs to the same sitting room we had last time. The die stairs really hadn’t lived up to their reputation thus far, and I couldn’t say I was anticipating them to be an overachiever this time either. Maybe the wood stove wasn’t working in this portion of the building.

  He opened the door and a fierce wind blew out. The sitting room was gone and a forest was there. Okay, the “die stairs” might’ve redeemed themselves slightly, but not completely unless I saw some monsters.

  Although some things were making sense. That was why there was no third floor in the building when you looked at it from the outside. That door led to other places. That was why when I was listening to the fight he’d had with Belinda, they hadn’t heard the blaring noise until the door had been open. He’d been in a different place altogether.

  Hawk stepped into the snow, and I followed, glad I hadn’t taken my jacket off in the midst of my doubts. If the fifth wind was typically biting cold, here in the forest it devoured you whole in one chomp.

  “Where are we going?” I asked, raising my voice so he’d hear me over the whistling of the wind through the trees.

  “You’ll know soon,” he said.

  He was right—or sort of.

  It was maybe five more steps when I began to feel it.

  The closer we got, the more I didn’t need an explanation any longer. The heaviness of it, the sinking feeling in my chest as I neared it. The closer we got, the more the stars in the sky dimmed, the sound of owls quieted, and everything seemed to hush to a foreboding quietness. I could still feel the wind, but the whistle was dulled. Nothing else had changed. The forest was still all around, but it didn’t feel like that anymore. It felt like I was walking into a pit of despair, and with every step, I was losing all joy and happiness.

  When we’d walked out of Jasper’s and Hawk had told me he knew evil, this was what he’d been talking about. And now I knew it too.

  Hawk’s eyes were trained on me.

  I stepped slightly farther in the direction the heavy feeling was coming from, and only because he was ahead of me. But then I stopped, afraid to go one more inch, terrified this feeling would suck me in whole and never let go.

  He was waiting and watching to see if I’d continue.

  I shook my head and took a step back, and then another.

  “I want to go back,” I said, turning and walking toward the door I could still see in the distance. It was closed, but damned if I wouldn’t get it to open.

  I’d had enough of this place.

  He didn’t fight me, and we walked back together. I opened the door, not waiting for Hawk and hoping I’d be back at the building. I was.

  He shut the door.

  I pointed at it.

  “Is that still on the other side of there?” The “die stairs” had finally lived up to their name. I would’ve taken a sledgehammer to them if I could.

  “No. It’s farther away.”

  I would’ve sagged against the wall if it wouldn’t make me look like a weak ninny. I mean, after all, I hadn’t actually seen anything.

  But what I’d felt…

  A shiver passed through me as I walked
down to the main floor without speaking. Something that I couldn’t put into words seeped into my brain, my soul, and I wanted to evict the feeling as soon as possible.

  I went directly to the setup in the corner and dumped some cocoa into a mug. It wasn’t as good as the stuff from the Sweet Shop, but they were closed and I needed an emergency cocoa. Zab wasn’t there to help me out. Hawk flicked his wrist and did the honors of heating my cocoa for me without a word. I walked to the couch and curled up into the corner with my favorite teacup and then dragged a throw over my lap.

  I was three sips in and finally thawing out a bit when I asked, “What was that, exactly?”

  “Nobody really knows exactly. There have always been rumors of a deep evil that lived in the forest. It’s one of the reasons that land has never been developed or even explored much. No one knows for sure.

  “But for the longest time—eons, even—it stayed in a small spot, not moving or shifting, so no one paid it much mind. The problem now is that it’s growing.”

  I wrapped my arms around myself, wishing I had something that could shield me from what I’d felt in the forest. “You say growing. How big is it?”

  “I don’t know for certain, and it’s not only size that I’m talking about. The power. It’s getting stronger.”

  I needed to get out of Xest before whatever that thing was grew any more. What the hell had I been dragged into?

  “Look, I know your feather thingy told you that I was the one you needed, but that finder was wrong. I don’t care if it’s never been wrong before. This time it is. I mean, what exactly do you think I can do about that thing out there? Why even bother having me try to knock a book off the table? This whole thing is a joke. I can’t do what you need.”

  “Yes, you can. The finder wasn’t wrong. Your magic is just underused.”

  I put the cocoa down. “Look, you need to accept that there was a mistake and send me back to Salem.”

  “I’m not doing that.”

  “I can’t help you.”