The Whimsy Witch Who Wasn't (Tales of Xest Book 1) Page 17

  “Thank you.” Hawk never said anything this nice to me, ever. Actually, no one typically praised my beauty, but then again, I was hard to see in the shadows. This man didn’t seem like a monster on any level, not the big, bad boogieman type or even the minor troll version.

  “I’m sure Hawk has been filling your head with a lot of notions, or maybe not. He does like to keep his secrets. I hope you’ll hear me out with an open heart and mind.” He placed a hand on his chest.

  Might’ve been a little dramatic, but perhaps Raydam was just a big old softy? What did I really know about him? Nothing. He hadn’t even tried to touch me and gauge my magic the way I’d been warned.

  “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t willing.” That sounded like the truth even to my ears. After the show around town with Hawk this afternoon, it might’ve been the most genuine thing I’d said all week. I did want to hear Raydam out, even more so now that I’d met him. Maybe this man was my way out of Xest?

  “I hope you don’t mind, but there were others who are dying to meet you. Care to talk a little stroll and I’ll introduce you?”

  He nodded toward the main room, where they were all waiting for us but pretending not to. There had to be a good twenty people there, at least half of whom I’d already seen today.

  “Of course.”

  If they remembered me, their expressions didn’t show it. I was formally introduced to one after another, with names and vague generalities. This was nothing like the hostility in the restaurant. Maybe these people weren’t so bad either. Maybe the real problem here was Hawk?

  We’d barely made it halfway through the room when Raydam turned and said, “My, where are my manners? I didn’t get you a drink. Wine?”

  “That would be lovely,” I said, not planning on having more than a sip or two. I didn’t drink much, and this wasn’t the place to start, surrounded by people who still might secretly think of me as the enemy, no matter how pleasant they appeared while I was with Raydam.

  He waved a hand, and a servant immediately brought over a tray of white wine. Raydam handed me a glass, brushing my fingers for a moment as he passed it on. I’d been so distracted by everything and everyone that I hadn’t expected it. I hadn’t even tried to block my magic.

  And he’d felt it, as I’d felt his.

  His eyes were light with a shared secret as he looked at me.

  I’d felt the sizzle of power from Hawk, and it had been off the charts compared to what Raydam had just felt like, if that was truly the judge.

  “Oh my, Tippi, you are impressive.”

  I nodded, not saying anything. The duplicitous way he’d touched me, the look in his eyes right now after he had, all the warning flares that hadn’t gone off before were now exploding all at once, putting on a grand finale.

  For all of Hawk’s rough edges, when he’d wanted to know what I had, he hadn’t made a secret of it at all. I’d just been duped.

  “Let’s talk somewhere quiet for a moment,” he said.

  I suddenly found myself wanting to remain with all the smiling vipers, but that wasn’t an option. I’d come here. I’d accepted his invite and insisted on coming alone. Now it was time to see this out.

  “All right.”

  He smiled and led me to a door off to the side of the room, all eyes on us as we walked through the crowd.

  There was a spiral staircase that seemed to lead to nowhere, the candles lighting on the wall as we moved, as if motion-activated. The farther we got from the sounds of the other guests, the more my nerves frayed. I’d never felt this way with Hawk. He’d always been imposing, but never gave me the feeling that he was leading me to torture before he had me dig my own grave. Probably because half the time with him, he didn’t seem to care if I was even there, which had been aggravating until right now.

  Every step on the stone stairs seemed to echo more as we climbed. The only escape I had was if he thought I was going to play ball. If I disappeared, would Hawk come and look for me? Was I totally on my own now? Rabbit would. I wasn’t sure she’d get too far, but she’d try. She’d recruit Zab as well. Even together, they couldn’t fight this man.

  There was a door at the top, and for a moment, I feared it would be the same type Hawk had, leading me to some unknown place I’d never be found. Instead, it opened to the rooftop of his home.

  The wind whipped my hair around, and the cold felt like it was soaking into me, but the beauty before me was awe-inspiring. The sky looked like we had a view right into heaven with the way the stars sparkled and the land was immense. I’d yet to see a view of Xest like this, and it was massive and stunning. One view was the town, lit with warm, glowing lights.

  But it was the land around it that really struck me.

  “It’s amazing up here.” I leaned on the stone railing, looking at a forest the likes of which I’d never seen before. There were blacks and greys, deep violets and silver, rolling hills and lakes glittering in the distance.

  Raydam’s jacket landed on my shoulders, and he was suddenly growing on me a bit again. So, he’d brushed my hand when he’d given me wine. That might’ve been accidental. And he’d gotten excited over my magic. That wasn’t a capital offense either. I was letting planted expectations skew my judgment, and that wasn’t fair to him or me.

  “Don’t mind the wind. I know you’re used to the four winds, growing up in Rest as you did. The fifth wind of Xest can be especially bitter to people unfamiliar with it.” He leaned on the stone beside me. “It’s quite stunning, is it not?” he asked.

  “Most definitely.”

  We took in the scenery together in silence, Raydam seeming to be in as much awe as me, even though he must’ve seen this view countless times.

  “I’ve heard from several of my associates and friends that Hawk brought you around and made introductions,” he said, finally breaking the silence.

  “I’d asked him to show me about the place a little.” The lie slipped from my lips naturally, as if I hadn’t been able to stop myself from protecting him. I’d worry why I did that later.

  Raydam nodded. “I hope you know, you don’t need protection from me. Of course, it might’ve been nothing of the sort, but I felt it needed stating. I’m not looking to harm you, and neither are my colleagues. He didn’t need to put out the warning.”

  “Of course not. You’ve been nothing but gentlemanly toward me thus far.”

  How stupid could I be? I might as well knock my head into the stone wall for as much as it was working. Hawk and my relationship had become so combative that I was oblivious to what he’d been doing. That he was going around and stamping me as one of his people and probably all that went with that. For as cold, arrogant, and all-around troublesome as that man was, he had my back. Only thing I wasn’t sure of was did he do it to stack the deck in his favor or to drive a wedge between Raydam and me before we even met?

  Hawk had respected my wishes and let me come here alone, but I might as well have walked in beside him. It was wrong to feel more at ease, but somehow, I did as I leaned a little more on the stone. Raydam smiled, as if he thought it were him. It was his words, though. No matter what happened here tonight, Hawk wouldn’t hang me out to dry in this place, or he wouldn’t have bothered with this afternoon.

  Raydam moved an inch closer, not crowding me, but as if we were friendlier than we were.

  “There’s a power growing out there, in the Unsettled Lands.” His gaze was on the far-off distance and his tone held reverence. “Some think we should fear it because we don’t understand it. I don’t believe that. I think we should try to get along with it. Be at peace with it. See what it wants.”

  “Have you encountered it?” I asked, trying to sound naive, as if the thing hadn’t repulsed me. Hawk was wrong. This guy wasn’t his opposition. He was an idiot.

  “Yes, and if you felt it, you’d know immediately it’s something good, warm, and beautiful. You get close to it and it swallows you in joy and warmth.”

  We couldn’t p
ossibly be talking about the same thing, but how many mysterious growing magic entities could there be? His eyes were glowing, but I wanted to shiver at the memory of the thing. What was going on here? How could two people feel something so completely different?

  “That sounds wonderful,” I said, trying to keep my eyes on the view off in the distance. This lie didn’t fall off my lips as easily. Seemed my new talent was selective.

  “I’m guessing Hawk told you all sorts of horrible things about it. I can tell by the skepticism in your voice, but you’d only need to feel it one time to know it’s something truly wonderful. Would you let me take you there some time?”

  No. Never. I’d die in Xest before I went to that place with him, and that might happen. He’d been my only other option, and it turned out he wasn’t an option at all, if getting close to that thing was his angle.

  I made a vague noise that could’ve been interpreted as a yes, if that was what you wanted to hear. It wasn’t, but not knowing what words formed a contract of sorts in this world, I was sticking to grunts and groans.

  “I’m hoping that maybe we can help each other. You don’t know this world, but I could help you navigate it,” he said.

  “What if I didn’t want to remain in this world?” I asked, afraid even the question might cause me problems.

  “You would. How could someone as gifted as you not? You just need someone to show you the way, is all, and then you’d never want to go back to Rest.”

  I nodded, trying to hide the hesitation until I got out of there. Even if he did sense my nerves, they would’ve been expected. A lack of cautiousness might’ve seemed more peculiar, or at least that was what I told myself.

  “I’ll have to bring you out to the Unsettled Lands and show you what I mean,” he said, still trying to get that yes.

  Talk about doubling down. I didn’t only have nerves, I couldn’t wait to run from this place. And the last thing I was going to do was say yes.

  “May I think it over a little? I’m very hesitant to get involved with matters I’m ignorant of,” I said, hoping he’d read that as my leeriness to do what Hawk wanted as well. This wasn’t even a lie. I would help Hawk if I could, but I didn’t want to help anyone. I wanted to get the hell out of there.

  “Of course. Take your time. Think about it for a little while.” He was smiling like a man who knew he was going to get his way.

  The guy was a psychopath.

  I’d half expected to find Hawk waiting outside Raydam’s door when I left. He wasn’t, but that didn’t stop me from looking for him as I walked home, thinking maybe he’d be in the shadows somewhere, waiting. It wasn’t that I wanted to talk to him. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I hadn’t fully absorbed the events of the evening myself. Still hadn’t by the time I got back to the office.

  I walked in and saw a candle burning on the desk, and figured Zab must’ve come back and left it for me. Then I saw Hawk’s dark shadow in one of the chairs, and my insides knitted up tight. He might not have been waiting outside Raydam’s house for me, but he cared. The hard part was never forgetting that his caring probably extended as far as protecting his interests.

  His gaze ran over me, and I was suddenly very conscious of my dress, the stockings, my hair flowing down my back. Most of my clothing was usually a size too big. I shrugged out of my jacket, as if I weren’t self-conscious at all.

  “How was your meeting with Raydam?” he asked.

  Disgusting? Repulsive? The fact that Raydam liked whatever that horrible, evil thing growing in the Unsettled Lands made my skin crawl? If I told Hawk all that, I’d secure my position here, along with Rabbit’s. Things would keep moving along smoothly, and hopefully I’d get back to Salem before too much more time passed, or at least somewhere near there. That was the smart move. Keep everything moving along.

  There was one thing I was sure of: Raydam wouldn’t let me walk away that easily, ever. I should tell Hawk I didn’t trust Raydam and there was no way I was ever going to end up in the “fold.”

  No risk of being thrown out. No distrust because I’d laid it out on the table for him, all neat and packaged up for easy digestion. Then I thought about how he said he’d throw me out, kick out Rabbit, and the words didn’t come.

  “Gave me a lot to think about.”

  Would he question me on what I was offered? What I needed to think about? Would he really kick me out? Would he throw me on the streets, with nowhere else to go? We weren’t friends. We certainly weren’t more than that, but still, I’d felt some loyalty toward him for reasons I couldn’t fathom. I had to know if he’d be so callous and toss me out, if any of that loyalty was reciprocated.

  Was he going to press me or tell me to pack a bag now and leave?

  “Did you hold back?” he asked, leaning back, staring at me where he remained in the shadows.

  There was a weird tension in the air, but with only the single candle, it was hard to read the expression on his face.

  “No. He caught me off guard.” Would that do it? Would he kick me out now? I shouldn’t have explained.

  He stood and walked closer, stopping a few feet shy of me.

  “Maybe you can sleep on it,” he said, a gleam in his eye before he turned and left

  That was it? No “get out”? No ultimatum? Just “sleep on it”? Had I somehow shown my hand? I must’ve, but damned if I knew how. Worst was, why did I constantly feel like I was playing patty-cake with a pro boxer?

  26

  I walked over to the table I’d claimed as my own, as if yesterday’s meeting with Raydam had never happened. It was business as usual, as far as I was concerned. I’d avoid answering Raydam for as long as I could, and I’d avoid telling Hawk my answer for even longer. And in that time? Hawk would eventually come to his senses, realize that there was zero I could do for him, and that would be it. I’d leave. I’d go back home and happily live in the shadows once again.

  Zab put a mug of cocoa on my table with a smile. “Figured you might need it after last night.”

  I smiled. “More than you can imagine.”

  “Oh, I think I can imagine just fine. Was it as bad as I feared?”

  “I’m sure it wasn’t good,” Musso said as he passed us on the way to his desk. “That slimy Raydam is never up to anything good. I’m sure our Tippi figured that out, though.” Musso gave me one of his rare smiles, and I returned it, not confirming what he already seemed to know.

  Our Tippi. I’d never been an “our” or even part of a group. I’d always kept everyone at arm’s length, even Loris to a certain degree. It had been easier that way. When you got close to people, they asked you things, and my entire life had been an awkward secret. No people meant no questions and no awkward explanations.

  But here, there was nothing to hide. Everyone was like me, with weird in their veins. Here, I had people. My life was an open book. Somehow it felt like maybe I had a place. Of course, it was only temporary, and I couldn’t let a hot cocoa and a smile make me crazy. This was not the place I should be.

  “So?” Zab asked.

  “It was okay, I guess,” I answered, glancing around and wondering why Rabbit wasn’t harassing me for answers, too. I’d thought she’d beaten me down here when I hadn’t seen her upstairs.

  “I think she’s sleeping in,” Zab said, reading my mind.

  I caught a glance between Zab and Musso. Before I could delve deeper, Hawk walked in.

  He nodded at Belinda. She stalked him with her eyes but didn’t chase him around the office. She normally put on her running shoes when Hawk was around. Maybe she’d heard about the meet-and-greet, the awkward touch at the restaurant? Hard to know without crawling into her brain, but something had definitely shifted.

  Hawk stopped in front of my table. “Go get your jacket and meet me outside. We need to go somewhere,” he said before leaving without any further explanation.

  Belinda’s gaze met mine. Her eyes narrowed, and I could hear the list of mental curses that were bei
ng spewed my way. I went to get my jacket, all too aware that Belinda now stalked my steps.

  I threw on my jacket, telling myself to not look Belinda’s way. That worked as well as expected, but what I saw threw me. Her stare had dropped to her desk as she sat there, slightly slumped over, not doing anything.

  As much as I wanted to walk past her, something about her broken form stopped me. I’d been there. Maybe not over a man, but the hole she was in looked awfully familiar. Instead of walking out, I walked to her desk.

  “It’s only business between us. There’s nothing personal,” I said as softly as possible, hoping Zab and Musso wouldn’t overhear.

  Her shoulders stiffened and then she turned her gaze to me. It went to my shoes, traveled up my legs and the baggy green pants I was wearing. It continued up over my small chest until her eyes collided with mine.

  Hers narrowed. “Of course there isn’t.”

  She got up, nearly knocking me over as she walked past me to go into the back room.

  I shook my head, lecturing myself internally for never taking my own advice. I had some good stuff sometimes. Not all the time, but this time I definitely had been right. She wanted no part of me, not even the kind and nice part. I should’ve left it alone.

  Zab let out a sigh. “I don’t know why she keeps hanging on. We all know it’s not happening.” He stood, looking at the back room and figuring the same as I. She’d gone back there like a wounded animal to lick her wounds.

  It took another two head shakes before he followed to check on her, as I’d known he would. Zab only had the kind and nice parts.

  “Sucks when you’re not the one. Nothing to do about it but move on,” Musso said, methodically going through his work as if nothing were amiss.

  “You never know. Maybe it’ll work out.” I shrugged, lacking anything else constructive to say.

  Musso snorted. “No one here, even her, believes that.”